Sunday, October 27, 2013

Are We Married?

Hi, again,

For the last couple of weeks, we've been having an interesting conversation as we cuddle before going to sleep. Yes, we still cuddle. You should, too.

He asks, "Are we married?" very tenderly.

I answer, "Yes, we are."

"How long have we been married?"

"43 years."

"43 YEARS?! How old am I?!"

"You're 65."

"65?! How old are you?"



"Yes, indeed. Wow."

And then, after a brief pause, "Has it always been this good?"

Come on! How sweet is that?! Tears come to my eyes as I answer, "You know, all marriages have their ups and downs. But [why ruin the moment?] yes, it's been mostly good."

And he seems very happy at that moment. You would have to know this man to know that such sentimentality is not something that flows lightly from his lips. And so, even though this disease sucks and makes me so, so angry, these moments are a treasure to me. I'm writing this down so I don't forget. This memory is a keeper.

Thursday, July 18, 2013

Who Am I Sleeping With?

The good news is that my husband is doing very, very well. I stopped writing this diary last year. In fact, almost exactly a year ago. In a way, it was too depressing. In another way, it would have been a good outlet. And yet again, there are things I just like to hold close to my chest. Even if nobody else is ever going to know.

So, I've been skimming through my entries -- some posted, some not -- and, yes, he is doing very well. The medications have done a good job of slowing the progress of the disease. Not stopping it, mind you. That will take the miracle I continue to expect. And the mood stabilizer has worked wonderfully well. Most of the time, it's a joy to be with him. He has become much more gentle. Much more caring. Most of the time.

He is having very active dreams. Much more so than before. He talks in his sleep almost every night. Not the kind of "talk in your sleep" that most of us do, you know, muttering and sputtering and rolling over and being quiet. It's out loud. Sometimes he wakes himself up; sometimes not. But I wake up, however briefly. And so I am tired most of the time due to interrupted sleep. Or inability to go back to sleep. Whichever. So I am sometimes crabby, which makes me sad.

The strangest thing happened about a month ago. Actually, twice one week (one night and the next night), and twice the following week. But not since. Yet.

The first night, I was already half awake because the room was very quiet and still. It was odd. Then I heard, "Who am I sleeping with?" I replied, "Your wife." And he said, "Oh. That's what I thought." And then he went back to sleep. I did too, eventually, but I was in a state of disbelief. What?!

The next night, it was, "Hi, I'm Harry." And the following week, "Hi. Have we met?" And, "I'm Harry. How ya doin'?" On the plus side, he didn't seem disappointed to find out it was his wife next to him. He seemed relieved.

Now, those are some pretty vivid dreams, if you wake up and you're not too sure who's in bed with you. I hope the part before the talking was interesting and exciting. We all need interesting and exciting experiences, even if they aren't really happening.