Tears on My Pillow

My Dearest,

Today when I greeted you with a big smile and a hug, you hugged me back. And then you chuckled as you wrapped your arm around me and pulled me tightly to your side. Did you know me? Were you responding to me, or were you simply responding to a friendly face and physical closeness?

When I leave, do you miss me? I hope not! I hope that by the time I walk out the door, you've forgotten all about me and moved on to whatever is next in your day. Because it tears me up to think there's even the possibility that you might wonder where I've gone off to and when I'll be back. Please don't do that.

I can't imagine what it's like inside your head, because you can't tell me what you're thinking or feeling. You were acting as though something might be causing you pain, but you couldn't tell me what or show me where. So I asked the Med Tech to keep an eye on you to see if he could figure out what might be bothering you, and he said he would. Did he? I hope so. I have to trust that he did, and it's gut-wrenching to have to trust others that way.

So tonight as I was praying for you and for those who take care of you, I cried. I cried because I can't help you. I cried because I can't take care of you myself the way you deserve to be taken care of. I cried because you aren't here with me, and I don't know how to be me without you.

I miss you. I miss you enough for both of us. Please don't be missing me, my love. I'll be back before you know it. I hope.

Desperate for you,
Me