The Other Woman

Yesterday, there had been a minor incident at the facility, so I went to check on my husband's situation and to make sure all was well. After a consultation with the weekend hospice nurse, I spent some time walking with my husband and listening to music hand in hand, as is our habit. I fed him his dinner and, as bedtime for him was fast approaching, went to collect my belongings in preparation for leaving.

When I came back, I found that one of the female residents (I'll call her Sheila) had taken him by the hand and was leading him outside for a stroll in the courtyard. I followed close behind in case of mishap. Sheila was smiling up at him tenderly, possessively, more like a mother with her child than like a woman with a man. It was really very sweet. He was more concerned with hanging on to the handrail for steadiness and didn't seem to notice that I wasn't the one holding his hand. He seemed completely oblivious as he stared down at the path, straight ahead.

A caregiver arrived and tried to pry Sheila's hands off my husband, but she was having none of it. There was no way Sheila was going to let go and allow the caregiver to guide my husband back to the house. He was hers! The caregiver seemed a bit flustered as Sheila batted her away angrily. She was probably thinking the situation was upsetting me, but it wasn't. I was amused. I suggested to the caregiver that perhaps she could hold my husband's other hand and guide both of them back. Simple solution.

Many people feel hurt and jealous when their loved ones form relationships or even affections in care facilities, but it's completely natural to feel close to those you share a home with. People need community and touch and affection. Sheila has had a soft spot for my husband since the day he moved in. But, then, she has a soft spot for every new male resident.

It's important to remember that these residents are there for a reason and can behave in ways that would be unseemly under different circumstances; for instance, taking someone else's husband by the hand possessively and leading him away from his wife for a little tête-à-tête. I do admit to wondering what Sheila might have been like before, in her previous life as a high-powered executive.