The question most often posed to me, next to "How's your husband?" ("Doing as well as can be expected under the circumstances"), is "How are you doing?" I appreciate each and every demonstration of care and concern, and I receive them all as being sincerely meant from the heart, even if they are in passing. I mean it. Thank you so much!
Commonly, in response, I plaster a big smile on my face and say, "Hanging in there!" Yes, I really am hanging in there. By my fingernails. I am not whining about that, nor am I complaining about my lot in life. I am simply worn out. I am worn out physically. I am worn out emotionally. I am weary of this long, stressful, depressing battle. Especially in the past few months, I am realizing that navigating through difficult times is completely exhausting, an exhaustion I am beginning to think might be permanent.
I worry about my husband and wonder how much longer he will have to suffer, though I continue to hope and pray for healing and restoration. It is despiriting to visit him in a facility instead of being able to care for him at home as I had hoped to do. It is so hard to watch him disappearing before my very eyes, his dignity stripped from him, his ability to communicate meaningfully long gone. Poor man! I wonder how many more pieces of my heart there are left to shatter.
But, really, how many times can you hint at these things without discouraging and burdening others, even close friends? People have their own trials to deal with, some of which are so much more exacting, exhausting, debilitating, and demoralizing. I know this, and so I don't tend to dwell on my troubles "in public." Well, not usually. But you did ask, so it's all your fault!
We "do life" better in community, where we can bear one another's burdens. We can pray for, encourage, and care for each other. We can offer words of comfort and shoulders to cry on, even if they are figurative shoulders from miles or continents away. So, again, thank you for holding us up in prayer all these years. Thank you for being there, for asking how we're doing, for thinking about us, and for being concerned for our welfare. I hope you know I'm here for you, too. And if my husband were to miraculously be his real self again, so would he be. Because there is nothing he wouldn't do for a friend.
Good for you! Sometimes the best thing that you can do to help yourself get through trying, and devastating life events can be to share them with someone else (or others). Keeping them stored internally do nothing, especially for your well being. And if someone complains or can't be supporting in even a minor way you don't need THOSE people in your life they aren't your real friends. If they are suffering or have already suffered through a similar experience then it will probably help them too because like they say "There's strength in numbers."
ReplyDeleteBless you for your strength. I don't know if I could be near as strong if I were in your position.
Thank you for your kind words of encouragement, Del! God is so good. In my up moments, He is there celebrating with me. In my down times, He is holding my head above water. I pray you are never in my position, but you've certainly had your share of tough circumstances to deal with. And you're still standing, too.
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