Time Is on Our Side

I haven't been writing very much lately. This is partly because my husband's situation seems stable right now, so there's not much to report. But it's also because I've been in another deep blue funk part of my grieving process.

Yes, I know there have been several of those. But that's how grief is. One day, you think you've got a handle on things and are "doing better." The next, you feel like you've been hit by a truck and don't even want to get out of bed. But you do. You put one foot in front of the other, and you keep going. This long goodbye is difficult and overwhelming and heartbreaking and tearful.

But, the other day, I was holding my husband's hand and looking into his eyes* and stroking his cheek and listening to tunes with him. I thought about last year, when he had sepsis and almost left me to go to his Forever Home with Jesus. And I thought about the amount of time that has passed since then, and all the kisses and hugs and tender moments that we wouldn't have had the opportunity to share if he'd succumbed to that infection.

I realized what a blessing it is to have been given this extra time to be together, to enjoy each other's company, to say with our eyes (and with words, in my case) the things that a lot of people don't have the opportunity to share, when death comes without warning. A lot of healing and forgiveness and understanding has taken place in my heart and, I hope and believe, in his. What a gift!

If you still have your special someone with you, I hope you won't take each other for granted or allow the busyness of life or demands of others to cause you to put each other on the back burner. "Later" may never come. Treasure every minute together, every adventure experienced, every memory made. They're a gift to you.

*It isn't always the easiest thing to establish meaningful eye contact with him at this point. I move my head around to try to get him to look at me, but he has a tendency to look away, mostly. This "failure to make eye contact" is a progression of the disease. So when I say I look into his eyes, I mean that literally, and it doesn't mean he's actively looking back. But sometimes he does, and I see tenderness there. That, my friends, is an emotional moment for me!