April 26, 2019
There was a party going on this afternoon when I arrived for a visit with my husband. Cheerful people were smiling and laughing and chatting and enjoying music. There was sparkling cider and a marvelous cake with whipped cream and fresh strawberries. It isn't every day someone turns 85! The resident being celebrated is married to a lovely, vivacious, much younger woman who comes to see him several times a week. It's good to know that most of the residents do have frequent visitors. It isn't the kind of place where you drop off Gramps, walk away, and never come back. So, there's that.
My husband was in his room, on his bed, staring at the wall. I sat next to him, and he allowed me to give him a little rubdown. I told him there was a party going on and asked him if he'd like to go there with me. It took some coaxing, but he did let me take his hand and lead him out to the common area, finally. He was all smiles, too, which is a bit unusual.
He smiled at me, he smiled at the other residents, he smiled at the hospice people who were there, he smiled at the caregivers. I was happy to see him in such an apparent good mood and took advantage of the situation to "dance" around with him a bit, holding his hands and beaming up at him like a schoolgirl. And just when I thought all his attention was on me, he reached out and patted the derriere of a guest who was bending over a table. She seemed rather flattered, thank goodness. Pro tip: Don't bend over tables around people who have lost all their social filters!
We continued intermittently "dancing" and resting. He hadn't said anything at all, but that isn't unusual anymore. At one point, as I was giving him one of many special hugs, he reciprocated, tried to lick me, grinned, looked me right in the eye, and said, "You're a...You're a good kid."
It's stunning how such a small thing can mean so much.
Showing posts with label music. Show all posts
Showing posts with label music. Show all posts
Monday, April 29, 2019
Thursday, November 22, 2018
Happy Thanksgiving
During our music therapy yesterday afternoon, my husband was swaying to the music coming through his headphones and singing along unintelligibly. His eyes were shut tight and his facial expression oozed sincere effort as he held me, dancing. It was so sweet. He used to do this in the old days, and then he would smile and laugh self-deprecatingly. He didn't have confidence in his singing, but he actually sang quite well. I don't think he believed me when I told him so back then, but maybe he does now.
Something about the music or lyrics made him open his eyes, and they started to fill with tears as he looked out the window into the distance. Was he remembering something? Trying to remember something? In the moment for a moment? We looked into each other's eyes, smiling through the mist. Just briefly, so briefly, it seemed he was aware and with me. Or maybe he was elsewhere entirely, and I was reading too much into it because I desperately want our connection to be strong.
A bit later, he surprised me. I was taken aback. He said my name! It has been weeks since I last heard him utter it, so it was quite unexpected and pleasing. He was irritated with me at the time, so it was the familiar, exasperated "ChrI-i-Is!" from days gone by. He was frustrated because I was trying to divert him from the room of a bed-bound, very sweet lady. I'm told he likes to walk in and stand briefly just inside the doorway as if checking on her. Then he turns around and goes right back out. She doesn't seem to mind, if she's even aware of it.
He did the same thing when a gentleman at the house was transitioning to Heaven. It was as if my husband didn't want him to be alone. I can't explain it. I think it's the gentle, compassionate side of my man, unimpeded by filters and walls, showing itself in an endearing way. It gives me peace that, somehow, he appears to have empathy for the plight of others. Or maybe he's just wandering into other people's rooms.
It's Thanksgiving Day, and we have much for which to be thankful. But it's the first Thanksgiving without my husband at home, so it's sad, too. Thank you for reading my ramblings and being patient with me and encouraging me. I am thankful for you, for your support, and for your prayers. Tell your family you love and appreciate them today, even if they drive you crazy. Happy Thanksgiving!
Something about the music or lyrics made him open his eyes, and they started to fill with tears as he looked out the window into the distance. Was he remembering something? Trying to remember something? In the moment for a moment? We looked into each other's eyes, smiling through the mist. Just briefly, so briefly, it seemed he was aware and with me. Or maybe he was elsewhere entirely, and I was reading too much into it because I desperately want our connection to be strong.
A bit later, he surprised me. I was taken aback. He said my name! It has been weeks since I last heard him utter it, so it was quite unexpected and pleasing. He was irritated with me at the time, so it was the familiar, exasperated "ChrI-i-Is!" from days gone by. He was frustrated because I was trying to divert him from the room of a bed-bound, very sweet lady. I'm told he likes to walk in and stand briefly just inside the doorway as if checking on her. Then he turns around and goes right back out. She doesn't seem to mind, if she's even aware of it.
He did the same thing when a gentleman at the house was transitioning to Heaven. It was as if my husband didn't want him to be alone. I can't explain it. I think it's the gentle, compassionate side of my man, unimpeded by filters and walls, showing itself in an endearing way. It gives me peace that, somehow, he appears to have empathy for the plight of others. Or maybe he's just wandering into other people's rooms.
It's Thanksgiving Day, and we have much for which to be thankful. But it's the first Thanksgiving without my husband at home, so it's sad, too. Thank you for reading my ramblings and being patient with me and encouraging me. I am thankful for you, for your support, and for your prayers. Tell your family you love and appreciate them today, even if they drive you crazy. Happy Thanksgiving!
Thursday, October 4, 2018
Love Me Tender
September 19, 2018
My husband was unexpectedly engaged today when I went to see him in the late morning. The other day, he greeted me with "Oh, hi there!" and a big smile. That was both a shock and a surprise in the most pleasant of ways. Today, he looked at me somewhat vacantly, as if trying to place me, then brightened up a bit as I brought out the music therapy gear.
Usually it takes him at least half an hour to connect with the music, but today he responded right away, danced around (well, not danced, exactly. It was more like wiggling and shuffling), smiled. And he held me tenderly as we swayed to the music, he smiled at me, he seemed...almost happy. He flirted shyly. He put his arms around me lightly, hugged me closely. I got the feeling he thought we were on a date. And he liked me a lot.
He kissed me sweetly, stroked my arms, touched my cheek softly, gazed at me like a lovesick teenager. And then he pulled away ever so slightly, a half-smile on his lips as he looked into my eyes.
"Are you afraid?" he asked tentatively, quietly. What's this? He's wooing me, trying to put me at ease? Wait. He's talking to me!
"No," I answered, "Are you?"
"No," he responded softly.
I'm glad. I'm glad he's not afraid. I'm glad he still wants to be close to me, to embrace me. I'm glad for every window into his thoughts, every word he speaks.
"I love you," I whispered.
"You do?" His expression oozed relief and happiness and surprise and wonderment.
Yes, my darling. I love you. I love you beyond reason. More than I could possibly have imagined. You are my man, the love of my life, the only one for me. Why you chose today to have these brief moments of clarity, of normalcy, I don't know. But I'm grateful to have spent them with you.
My husband was unexpectedly engaged today when I went to see him in the late morning. The other day, he greeted me with "Oh, hi there!" and a big smile. That was both a shock and a surprise in the most pleasant of ways. Today, he looked at me somewhat vacantly, as if trying to place me, then brightened up a bit as I brought out the music therapy gear.
Usually it takes him at least half an hour to connect with the music, but today he responded right away, danced around (well, not danced, exactly. It was more like wiggling and shuffling), smiled. And he held me tenderly as we swayed to the music, he smiled at me, he seemed...almost happy. He flirted shyly. He put his arms around me lightly, hugged me closely. I got the feeling he thought we were on a date. And he liked me a lot.
He kissed me sweetly, stroked my arms, touched my cheek softly, gazed at me like a lovesick teenager. And then he pulled away ever so slightly, a half-smile on his lips as he looked into my eyes.
"Are you afraid?" he asked tentatively, quietly. What's this? He's wooing me, trying to put me at ease? Wait. He's talking to me!
"No," I answered, "Are you?"
"No," he responded softly.
I'm glad. I'm glad he's not afraid. I'm glad he still wants to be close to me, to embrace me. I'm glad for every window into his thoughts, every word he speaks.
"I love you," I whispered.
"You do?" His expression oozed relief and happiness and surprise and wonderment.
Yes, my darling. I love you. I love you beyond reason. More than I could possibly have imagined. You are my man, the love of my life, the only one for me. Why you chose today to have these brief moments of clarity, of normalcy, I don't know. But I'm grateful to have spent them with you.
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