The Stars Aligned

Look! Our hair color matches!

What a roller-coaster ride this disease is. One day your world is crashing in around you, and the next day everything is coming up roses. Well, sort of. Comparatively speaking.

Every once in a while, everything is about as perfect as it can be. What a great visit we had today!

When I arrived this afternoon, it was obvious he'd had a shower and a shave. The color of his shirt brightened his skin. His hair -- clean and fluffy -- looked great. I'd given him a  haircut and trimmed his mustache a couple of days ago, and I couldn't help but admire my work (it wasn't an easy task). Not only that, but the caregiver had taken special pains to include some after shave. He smelled amazing. No, they didn't know I was coming.

He isn't making as much eye contact lately, but he did look at me today. He responded to tender touch and sat still for a chair massage. And he even leaned in for some kisses, rested his head on my shoulder, took my hand, and sort of smiled at me occasionally. In short, it's entirely possible that he knew me, even though he didn't speak. In any case, he liked being with me. And that's almost as good.

A day like today makes up for a lot of not-so-good days, even if it's the only day like today for a while. My heart is full!

Love Me Tender

September 19, 2018

My husband was unexpectedly engaged today when I went to see him in the late morning. The other day, he greeted me with "Oh, hi there!" and a big smile. That was both a shock and a surprise in the most pleasant of ways. Today, he looked at me somewhat vacantly, as if trying to place me, then brightened up a bit as I brought out the music therapy gear.

Usually it takes him at least half an hour to connect with the music, but today he responded right away, danced around (well, not danced, exactly. It was more like wiggling and shuffling), smiled. And he held me tenderly as we swayed to the music, he smiled at me, he seemed...almost happy. He flirted shyly. He put his arms around me lightly, hugged me closely. I got the feeling he thought we were on a date. And he liked me a lot.

He kissed me sweetly, stroked my arms, touched my cheek softly, gazed at me like a lovesick teenager. And then he pulled away ever so slightly, a half-smile on his lips as he looked into my eyes.

"Are you afraid?" he asked tentatively, quietly. What's this? He's wooing me, trying to put me at ease? Wait. He's talking to me!

"No," I answered, "Are you?"

"No," he responded softly.

I'm glad. I'm glad he's not afraid. I'm glad he still wants to be close to me, to embrace me. I'm glad for every window into his thoughts, every word he speaks.

"I love you," I whispered.

"You do?" His expression oozed relief and happiness and surprise and wonderment.

Yes, my darling. I love you. I love you beyond reason. More than I could possibly have imagined. You are my man, the love of my life, the only one for me. Why you chose today to have these brief moments of clarity, of normalcy, I don't know. But I'm grateful to have spent them with you.